Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Have you ever been to California?

Uh… no, not really. Um - kind of…once. Actually no.

Will probably be my scrambled response if anyone is to ask me this question. I think I now understand Frances.

Have I been there physically? yes. Was I actually in California? Did I really experience it? Not so much.

There aren't really words to describe the lack of trip that I feel like just happened. If someone told me that I had actually been on a treadmill and some person was just pulling curtains around me to make me think I was doing things in California - I'd probably believe them. Though I was in California, I feel like I've never seen it. Just a lot of expectations I guess? But at the same time, I didn't really have any expectations for the trip.

Wow. I'm not able to put it as simply as Frances.

The way I explained it to mom was that I spent so much energy trying to be happy and keep a good attitude that I wasn't genuinely happy or having a good time. My good attitude was like a defense mechanism to get through the days. That's the best way I can explain it. And then at the game, I just got so overwhelmed that I kinda lost it and started crying after halftime because I was so tired and overwhelmed and unhappy. Just like all the negative feelings that I had bottled just came right out.

Also, may compare this trip to our Italy trip…doesn't really feel like I went there - but if I went back, I'd probably like it better.

No comments:

Post a Comment