Guilty.

I am writing this from my little corner of the College of Architecture and I'm realizing something.

I have a bad habit of breathing/sighing heavily with hopelessness or murmuring "oh no" to myself. Why do I realize this? Not because I'm doing it, but because the lady sitting at the computer in here is doing it. It's been really hard to be enthusiastic about the day today and I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized that subconsciously, I was picking up on her bad attitude and feeling of discouragement. Also her dangly bracelet is driving me batty. Remind me to permanently ban dangly bracelets when I'm president.

This made me realize that I do that sometimes, too. I feel so annoyed that I just have to exclaim it somehow and now I'm realizing that I'm really just being dramatic and putting negativity into the atmosphere around me. No more! New goal - don't be fake happy or anything, but just keep my $^!+ to myself! Good grief!

p.s. How good is The Office! I need to rewatch all of it! 

Project time!

As if I needed another thing to be thinking about,  I have decided to take on a project! Since I will not be in town any Friday night this semester because of Paramount - I will not be able to attend my senior year formal for KKPsi. But let's break down the problem shall we? The only real fun part of formals is getting a cool dress and having pictures for later. So I'm going to take pictures on Samford lawn with my friends in an awesome dress and then just scoot to Atlanta at the time I normally leave Auburn.

So why spend $100 or more on a dress I'm only using for pictures? Well that's the project!

I'm going to make my dress! I have a few simple patterns that I think will be fun to work on little bits at a time! and that way, I won't have to pay for alterations (which I inevitably have to do anytime I try and wear clothes that don't involve an elastic waistband.) It'll be cheaper and will make me feel pretty cool to have completed a dress!

I've been working on some sketches and can't wait to get started!

Historical Woman Crush of 2015 goes to...

Alice. Roosevelt.

"When a dignitary complained to President Theodore Roosevelt about Alice Roosevelt (his daughter) smoking on top of the White House, Roosevelt replied, "I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both."'

Some tidbits about Alice Roosevelt

1. Did several rule-breaking things like riding in cars with men, chewing gum, gambling, swearing at officials, and staying out late partying. Basically used the president's daughter card to get away with anything.

2. Had a pet snake named Emily Spinach. Like, what? Here's the kicker - the name Emily is after her spinster aunt. Insulting and hilarious. And Spinach.

3. During a cruise to Japan, Alice jumped in the pool fully clothed and told one of the congressmen to join her. Years later, Bobby Kennedy reminded her of the incident and its inappropriateness to which she replied "it only would've been inappropriate if I took my clothes off." Sheesh.

4. She got married in a blue wedding dress and dramatically cut her cake with a full sized sabre - which she stole from a military aid during the reception.

5. When it was time for the Roosevelt's to leave the White House, she buried a voodoo doll of the new president's wife-Nellie Taft- in the front yard. The Taft's eventually banned her from the White House.

6. Woodrow Wilson also banned her from the White House while he was in office. (She told a gawdy joke at Woodrow Wilson's expense.)

7."As an example of her attitudes on race, in 1965 her African-American chauffeur and one of her best friends, Turner, was driving Alice to an appointment. During the trip, he pulled out in front of a taxi, and the driver got out and demanded to know of him, "What do you think you’re doing, you black bastard?" Turner took the insult calmly, but Alice did not and told the taxi driver, "He’s taking me to my destination, you white son of a bitch!"

8.“To Senator Joseph McCarthy, who had jokingly remarked at a party “Here’s my blind date. I am going to call you Alice”, she sarcastically said “Senator McCarthy, you are not going to call me Alice. The trashman and the policeman on my block call me Alice, but you may not.”

9. She was considered a "super fox"

10. Married House of Representative member Nicholas Longworth who was considered a bit of a bad boy. He was 14 years older than Alice. She and Nicholas had a chilled relationship because he supported Taft over her father. So she helped someone else get elected over Nicholas in his next election. 

11. Lived to 96 through breast cancer, a broken hip, and emphysema. 

12.The phrase, “If you haven’t got anything good to say about anyone, come sit next to me” was stitched on a pillow of the seat next to hers at her home.

I can only imagine the field day that the media would have now if Alice Roosevelt was doing this sort of thing today. Pretty much the definition of "I do what I want." very American. 

My New Year's Resolution to be kind of Rude.

Lately I've noticed something about how the people in my life interact with me - they make minimal effort. (please enjoy semi-relatable, cheesy Pinterest quotes throughout this post)

Now this post may seem a bit bratty, but in the spirit of my resolution - I don't care. I spend so much time making sure I'm being flexible and easy to work with that I have lost sight of what I want.

Example: I may be looking forward to a dinner with a friend for a week and the friend calls to cancel last minute. I'm crushed, but I reassure the friend over and over that it's totally fine and I was hoping to eat something I already had anyway. Sure that the guilt from canceling on me is enough, I never put extra pressure on my friends.

Example 2: I want to hang out with a friend and just be normal, but I am the mom of every friendship so I end up just trying to make them feel better about whatever crisis they are in. Which is nice for them, but is a pretty emptying process when no one returns the favor.

Example 3: I spoke to a friend today about exchanging gifts. The friend said, "I'm so sorry - but it's not wrapped." Determined to be the easy-going chick I sell myself to be, I say "don't worry about it! Yours isn't wrapped either." Though I should've said "Yours isn't wrapped either YET" because why wouldn't you wrap a present? I love wrapping! Why did I pretend it wasn't important? I want wrapped presents, why didn't I just say that?

Three take-aways from these scenarios. (in no particular order)

1. Maybe I do these things because I'm afraid that if I'm inflexible I will eventually exhaust my friends because they feel like they can't do anything right. (which probably stems from my own insecurities that I "never do anything right.")

2. I am saying out loud that these things don't bother me, but secretly they do and inside I feel offended by an expectation that wasn't even clearly explained to the other person. Definitely unfair of me to do that. The truth is that I have standards and too many people don't concern themselves with giving their friendship with me a little extra effort sometimes.

3. I don't think people can actually measure up to the expectations I have for them in my head so I set the bar SUPER low hoping they will stumble over it and not totally ruin my mood. But what I'm actually doing is being dishonest about what I demand for myself and not really helping them be a better friend - to me or in general.

So what am I going to do about it?

Be aggressive about what I want. Stop being afraid. And have enough resilience to not get totally bummed out when someone doesn't jump a higher bar of standards I've set. Demand excellence from myself and demand more from others.

Do I expect people to anticipate my every need? No. I'm too independent for that.
Would it be nice to have someone follow through with plans they've made with me, let me know in advance if something isn't working out, or just let me know I'm thought about every once in a while? Yeah, that wouldn't be horrible.